A Total Yolk: The N Trance Chronicles
by Bandicoot Sauce
Summary: You've seen him on the race track, and now, get ready to follow the (mis)adventures of the egg-shaped master of hypnotism from the Fifth Dimension as he tackles his greatest challenge yet. Contains randomness and LOTS of egg puns! You have been warned.


**A Total Yolk: The N. Trance Chronicles**

Chapter 1: New Groove, Same Old Emperor

"Ugh! Where the splarg _is_ he?"

Nitros Oxide paced - or rather scuttled - back and forth across the main hall of Emperor Velo's citadel on his four legs, gazing around with a mixture of exasperation and anxiety plainly visible on his green visage, his bulbous yellow eyes darting this way and that. The Gasmoxian was clad in cybernetic armour of neon purple, the suit decorated with yellow lightning bolt symbols. A matching obtusely shaped helmet with a green visor adorned the alien's head. Well, to an Earthling, it would be seen as obtuse, yes, but among Oxide's people, the helmet's design was nothing out of the ordinary.

Oxide glanced at his wristwatch; a high-tech piece of digital equipment that would put Earth's watchmakers to shame, for it not only displayed the time in the native Gasmoxian language by means of a holographic projection, but it also functioned as a medium range communication device, a mineral tracker, a GPS (Galactic Positioning System) navigator, a dialogue recorder and even had a breath freshening spray dispenser… though it must be said that the people of Gasmoxia had a very different idea of dental hygiene to humans. Suffice to say that you would not want to kiss a Gasmoxian right after they had cleaned their teeth, unless you wanted your own teeth to most likely fall out. Speaking of teeth, Oxide could only grit his when he saw how much time had passed since his arrival.

"This is what I get for agreeing to a shared audience with the Emperor," the extraterrestrial muttered to himself irritably. "You'd never see this sort of thing happen back on my planet. I certainly didn't get to be called the fastest racer in the galaxy by _not_ being punctual."

The front doors of the citadel then burst open and the two Velonians - the species narcissistically named after their Emperor - who had been standing guard outside walked in, their golden spears left forgotten on the floor. The little green gnome-like aliens appeared to be drooling slightly, their eyes glazed over. Behind them, a short figure marched confidently into the main hall, a smug smile on his pink face. Oxide grimaced, recognising the egg-shaped blob of a fleshy creature by his beady green eyes (one of which was noticeably bloodshot) and the crack-like scars that adorned his 'head'. In truth, the head was actually the creature's entire being, comfortably seated within an advanced metallic robot suit that acted as a body complete with mechanical arms and legs. The being's 'chest' plate had a circular indent in the centre, said indent filled with some sort of glowing orange energy that swirled and spun about of its own accord in a consistent spiral pattern, a dull, mechanical hum emanating from the indent as the sly pink creature strode forward on robotic legs, coming to a halt before Oxide.

"You're late, Doctor Trance," Oxide commented, careful to avert his gaze from the swirling circle of energy as he addressed the egg creature.

Dr. Trance, better known among his peers as N. Trance, chuckled in his shrill, nasally voice. "Fashionably late, Nitros. It is my way, after all."

"I would hardly call a robot suit designed to hypnotize people fashionable. Advantageous, perhaps, but not fashionable."

"I assure you, such gear is all the rage in the Fifth Dimension, and my design is…"

Oxide groaned. "Please don't say it."

"_Egg-ceptional_," N. Trance declared, tittering madly.

Oxide groaned again, louder this time. "Is that all you do all day? Sit around thinking up egg puns? Because you could tell me that's all you do and I would feel inclined to believe you."

N. Trance chuckled knowingly once again. "Oxide, my good fellow, I could make you feel inclined to think any number of things if I so chose," the egg-shaped being said almost lazily, moving to drape a robotic arm around Oxide's shoulders, much to the alien's distaste. "It is the very nature of the mind to be… persuaded."

Oxide suppressed a shudder; N. Trance and his prodigious skill at his namesake gave the Gasmoxian the creeps. He brushed the master of hypnotism's arm away. "Spare me your parlour tricks, Trance. You won't turn _me_ into one of your drooling, incompetent subjects," he declared, gesturing at the still mindless Velonians, one of whom now had a strand of translucent snot dangling from his left nostril as he stood there vacantly, oblivious to the world around him.

"Hmm, yes. Perhaps I induced too basic a trance," N. Trance admitted thoughtfully, stepping away from Oxide and starting to circle around one of the catatonic Velonians, "But you know what they say - small things amuse small minds. With more in-depth conditioning, I can do much more than merely enslave someone. I can turn the cowardly into the fearless, the meek into the assertive… and vice versa," he said with a cold smirk. "I can rewrite identities, make one creature see themselves as another, make beings mentally swap genders, ages, colours, personalities - the possibilities are truly endless! But for today…"

N. Trance stopped in front of the Velonian guard, making sure he had a very clear view of the egg creature's glowing hypnotic spiral. The alien's glazed eyes suddenly focused intently, glued to the humming, spinning device.

"You are an Earth dog!" N. Trance proclaimed wildly, using his robotic right hand to turn the dial on his chest, adjusting the speed of the spinning energy. The Velonian blinked, then gazed up at the two otherworldly beings that stood before him and immediately tore out the open doorway, yelping fearfully in a dog-like manner, running on all fours. N. Trance cackled at the sight.

Oxide shook his head, not at all impressed by N. Trance's callous disregard for the Velonian's dignity.

"He'll be fine," N. Trance said reassuringly, catching Oxide's eye as he tried to quell his own amusement. "I'm sure someone will find him, take him home… put a collar on him…" The egg-shaped master of hypnotism cracked up once more, almost falling over as his robotic body wobbled dangerously in response to the mirthful fidgeting of its host/controller.

"Let's just go see the Emperor before I change my mind," Oxide said almost pleadingly.

* * *

Emperor Velo's throne room was par for the course as far as the throne rooms of narcissistic, overbearing rulers went. Several portraits and gold statues of the Emperor lined either side of the room, with velvet banners of deepest red hanging from the ceiling, each of them displaying a giant letter V in gold silk. The throne itself towered up towards the ceiling in an attempt to make His Lordship seem far more impressive and imposing than he actually was as he sat there, his rear cushioned by velvet fabric, a large, ornate gold staff held clumsily in his small green hands. In fact, he was practically pinned down by the sheer size and weight of it, it contrasted himself to such a degree.

There was a time when Velo had paraded around in a robotic disguise that had made him look big and intimidating, but one day, in a fit of anger, he had unintentionally caused the suit to explode, exposing him for what he really was: A Velonian no different from any other in terms of physiology. Since then, he had been struggling in every sense of the word to maintain his authority. With his intimidation factor gone, he had to rely on his cunning, some wise decisions as a ruler… and his unquestioned status as the galaxy's kart racing champion. In fact, it was fair to say that his position as emperor and his renown as a kart racer went hand in hand these days; if he failed to maintain his status as a champion racer, he was finished. He had already almost lost his position of power once, and to a primitive Earth marsupial of all things. It was only because the so-called Crash Bandicoot had politely turned down the position of Emperor that Velo was still where he was today, and every single Velonian knew it.

And yet, Velo was not fearful of being overthrown, for he had built his empire entirely around kart racing and his passion for the sport. The only thing he valued more than his own ego… was the thrill of speed and the smell of burning rubber out there on the track. Velo loved to race, and his subjects, while now wise to his true nature, still loved to see him race. Being a racer was his life; he couldn't be anything else even if he wanted to. He lived for and by the sport… and would die just the same.

"Welcome, esteemed guests," Velo purred in his semi-squeaky voice, getting to his feet, still struggling under the weight of his regal staff. "What brings you before my… What brings you…" He cried out as he fell onto his back, soon finding himself pinned down by the staff as it fell on top of him. He struggled with it for a moment before giving up and letting out a heavy sigh. "What brings you before my royal gaze on this glorious day of my rule?" he asked in a somewhat defeatist tone as he lay there.

"Great Emperor," Oxide began, stepping forward and kneeling on his four legs, which was not easy to do, "I come before you seeking another chance to reclaim my title as fastest racer in the galaxy. I, Nitrous Oxide of Gasmoxian heritage, have conquered countless planets, many of which in your great name, my Lord, and I—"

Velo held up a hand to silence him, his authority (what little there was) shining though despite his embarrassing predicament. "Yes, yes, I've heard it all before," he said in a bored voice, rolling his eyes. "And what of you, egg-shaped one?" he asked, addressing N. Trance. "Have you as well come before me in the hope of finding newfound glory as a racer?"

N. Trance chuckled somewhat awkwardly. "Not exactly, Emperor Velo. I believe I've already shown the _eggs-tent_ of my racing prowess. An engaging sport to be sure, but not one I intend to pursue longterm. No, I seek permission not to race in one of your fine vehicles, but to commandeer one on a glorious personal _eggs-pedition_ across dimensions, one which—"

Velo held up his hand again, this time giving a knowing chuckle. "Forgive me, Doctor Trance, but it sounds almost as though you have forgotten the pact that you and Oxide made with yours truly many cycles ago." The Emperor managed, with great effort, to pull himself out from under his staff and stand upright at last, wisely leaving the accursed object on the floor. "You are both my loyal servants until such time as I deem it otherwise!" he said much more seriously. "You came before me, the both of you, broken, bitter and seeking only one thing: Revenge upon the one who wronged you! The one who I brought before my people to humiliate and enslave for as much your benefit as mine! And what happened? _He_ humiliated the both of _you_, but more importantly, he humiliated _ME!_"

"Great Emperor, if I could just say one thing—" Oxide started, but Velo quickly silenced him with a glare.

"The so-called Crash Bandicoot discredited me as both an Emperor and a racer! He forced me to abide by his request to free him and his cohorts from eternal servitude, servitude that you two are filling in place of him! You belong to _me_, Nitros, and you will NEVER be recognised as a racing champion again so long as I draw breath!" Velo snarled, though it sounded more like a wheeze akin to a cat trying to produce a hairball. "And _you_, N. Trance, are yet to prove yourself of use to me outside of a racing setting! The idea that I would allow you to leave my empire, to escape my rule upon request, is _laughable!_" Velo forced out a crazed laugh, taking a step forward and promptly tripping over the staff, falling flat on his face. "I hate this confounded staff," he mumbled into the carpet.

"Emperor Velo, strange as it may seem, I am not here to bargain for my former... _free range_ status," N. Trance stated. "It so happens that I know of a way for all three of us to get our revenge on Crash Bandicoot and everyone even remotely associated with him."

Velo lifted his head up, raising an eyebrow at N. Trance. "Forgive me if I am not immediately filled with confidence, egg-shaped one," he said, his expression lacking amusement, but N. Trance could already see in the Emperor's eyes that he was intrigued by the master of hypnotism's proposal. "If we could not put the Earth marsupial in his rightful place of servitude before, how could we succeed now when we are all much more vulnerable, loathsome as I am to admit it?"

N. Trance grinned. "The answer lies across the void, in the form of a power once known to this universe, one which is now scarce in this reality," he said seriously. "A mineral, one whose very existence is said to transcend time and space, and when gathered in large quantities, an infinite source of power."

It was Velo's turn to grin, slowly, meticulously and deviously. "You speak of the Power Crystals," he mused, stroking his purple, V-shaped goatee. "Even I had thought they were lost to the ages. I once had a surplus of them, decorating my battle arenas, but they were squandered in little more than two decades, their power drained from overuse. The crystals are little more than clear husks now. It will be centuries before they naturally recharge."

"Power Crystals? I thought they were just a myth," Oxide commented, intrigued. "Hang on - if the Power Crystals are supposed to transcend time and space, how can they possibly be in short supply?"

"An old colleague of mine, one who studies the temporal flow, witnessed the last known Power Crystals in this universe fall into the hands of Crash Bandicoot and his associates," N. Trance explained. "Those Power Crystals have vanished off the face of the universe since, no doubt hidden from scanners by some technology forged by Crash's intelligent sister… or some ancient magical trickery on the part of Uka Uka's do-gooder brother."

"But that was only in… _this_ universe," Oxide said, catching on, a grin of his own forming.

"Only in _this_ dimension," Velo added, looking more sinisterly gleeful by the second.

"As opposed to, say, my home dimension!" N. Trance declared. "The Fifth Dimension!"

The three villains tossed back their heads and laughed maniacally. Velo then took a step back, tripped over his staff again, grabbed onto Oxide so he wouldn't fall, only to pull the Gasmoxian down on top of himself, the mantis-like quadruped's legs flailing about wildly, catching N. Trance's robotic right leg and bowling him over, causing the egg-shaped being's… _being_ to fall out of the suit and go rolling across the floor, crying out in panic.

"Ooh, I think I'm gonna yolk!" N. Trance yowled as he went.

"I gave up unicycling for _this?_" Oxide muttered under his breath as he struggled to untangle himself from Velo's equally flailing form.

* * *

**And so it begins. Well, I hope I made a good first impression with this chapter. Stay tuned for more _eggs-citing_ mayhem in the future! Well, in another dimension, anyway. Lol!**

**And no, 'Velonian' is NOT the official name of Velo's species… as far as I know.**


End file.
